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Thursday, May 10, 2012

Wet Hot American Summer of Things To Do


When I finally chose a college in my senior year of high school I entered a period of ultimate relaxation that has not been seen since.  Aside from failing all of my classes or getting arrested, my plans for the fall were essentially set regardless of what happened in the months prior.  I was, I  believe the expression is, playing with house money.

The most fun you can have without actually spaying or neutering your pet.

Reason would dictate that based on this past experience I use the upcoming summer to cut class to watch The Price Is Right, prank my evil work supervisor, and concentrate on the summer swimming championships.   I was real rebel back then.  But alas, even these teenage hijinks might be out of my grasp.  Unlike college, which graciously equipped me with a dorm room—complete with asshole roommate—fancy meal plan, student worker position, and a built-in community of wide-eyed, geeky teens through the forced comradery of freshman orientation, grad school requires its students to be a scoche more independent.  

That brings me to;

Shit I got to do before going to grad school


1.)    Find Housing – Check

This one was actually pretty easy to address.  A good friend from my AmeriCorps days is currently finishing her masters at Mizzou and needs another roommate in the fall.  Yahtzee!  Nevermind that it’s actually  more rent than than I’m paying to live in St. Louis (not by much), it’s worth it to avoid the hassle of apartment hunting and to get to live with an incredible friend—God as my witness, I shall never live with an asshole again! 

2.)    Get a Job – Not Check

In my second year in the program I’ll be teaching a full load of freshman composition courses and getting paid $13,000/ academic year, but during my first year I’ll be working a half load in the student writing center where I’ll get paid $6,000/ academic year, which means I need another job.  I’m still eligible for a $5,000/ academic year fellowship—a fellowship for just being awesome—but in the not-so-oft chance that I’m not quite awesome enough, I’d better start scouring those want ads. 

3.)    Quit my Job – Not Check, clearly

At some point, maybe in October, my current job will probably start wondering why I haven’t been to work since August—I have a lot of sick days built up.  But when to drop the Q-Bomb?  Do it too soon and I risk them replacing me before I’d like to leave (I’d like to keep working/ getting paid right until I leave for Mizzou in mid August).  And though I think my chair would be pretty understanding of my situation, he’s also a bottom-line type of guy who could probably see the merit of hiring and training someone in the summer as opposed to right before classes begin.  On the other hand I don’t want to do them dirty two weeks prior-style either.  I really can’t afford to burn any bridges. 

4.)    Move to Columbia – Not check

When I arrive at my new place there won’t be a sweet bed/ desk/ dresser/ bookshelf/ dinner table combo waiting for me like there was in my freshman dorm room, along with an asshole roommate—I really hated that dickweed.  Though I moved to St. Louis with but two suitcases in tow, I’ve since accumulated a great deal of crap, crap which I now have figure out a way to get to Columbia.  I’m thinking a U-Haul.  Uh, so does anyone want to drive a U-Haul to Columbia, MO for me?

Worst roommate ever.


5.)    Find my Grad School Family – Not Check L

Now begins the sappy “I’m really going to miss my St. Louis friends and the community that I’ve nestled into here, and I can only hope that I find something even quazi-close to it at Mizzou” section.  And now concludes this section.


It is clear I have some serious shit to do before August, but I’m not too worried about it right now.  It’s only May, and honestly, these things really sound like issues for Future me.  Present me is too busy watching The Price Is Right and coming up with pranks for my co-workers anyway. 

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