So as pertinent and actually on-point as this blog has been over the past few weeks, I’m taking a break this week from writing, thinking, or doing something about grad school applications. It’s a good thing. So for your yuletide pleasure--and mostly mine--here are some occasionally deep thoughts about the holiday season;
*Nobody ever wants pants as a gift, even if they need them. Giving someone pants for Christmas is like saying, "I was too lazy to consider what you’d really like and felt too awkward to just give you money so here are some slacks". It’s Christmas; get over the awkwardness and give the money.
*I wish Michael Buble and Justin Bieber would just get it over with already. This is worse than watching Ross and Rachel.
|A forbidden love... because the Biebs is a lesbian.|
*Traditional eggnog is a wiley beast. Copious amounts of dairy and alcohol mixing together in one’s stomach, usually over the duration of a party, sounds like a reasonably horrible idea. So much for reason, right?
*If Santa is real, why doesn’t anyone look for the reindeer turds on the roof? Every other animal can’t seem to walk ten feet without dropping some coal into the stockings so how are we to believe that these deer can go a whole night keeping it to themselves? If I was a good little gentile boy or girl, I’d be up on the roof December 26th looking for what didn’t come down the chimney—click, click, click.
*Apparently it’s only cool to wear sweaters during Christmas season and Cosby Show marathons, so get your fill now because I haven’t seen Rudy and Theo for a while now, unfortunately.
|Which is better? Can there really be a loser?|
*Stop trying to make Hannuka happen. It’s not going to happen. The only people who Hannuka is a big deal for are christians and commercial retailers, trying to assuage their guilty consciences for ramming Christmas down our collective throats or trying to find way to turn the jews into buyers during December. I’m not even entirely sure that Hannuka is a Jewish holiday! Sure, I learned about it in Sunday School, but really, I have skepticism.
*Is there anyone that does not think “Do They Know It’s Christmas Anyway” is a piece of condescending, ethnocentric crap?
*The Muppet Christmas Carroll is the greatest Christmas movie of all time, hands down.
|I'll take suggestions for runner ups, but you look into those felt faces and tell me they aren't #1.|
*Wish everyone 'Merry Christmas' because it shows that you care (how horrible, right?) and it's the only holiday that anyone cares about this time of year--seriously. Not sure? Feeling guilty? Experiment Time! Wish jews Happy Rosh Hashana in the fall while wishing christians a Happy St. Eusebia Day and see who cares about which holiday. Go!