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Sunday, February 26, 2012

10 (minus 6) Things I Hate About You (but mostly the world in general)

Celebrities who complain about being celebrities

This is a long list that includes pro athletes irritated at the press for “holding them to higher standards”, or more accurately, covering their lower standards; stars incredulous when the media refuses to give them their due privacy when their vast fortunes were made entirely by the media turning them into house-hold names (it’s definitely not their acting that’s worth millions); and perhaps more so than anyone, singers who lament how hard it is to be rich and famous in songs, which in turn will make them richer and famous-er.  Aside from the obvious putridity of this, my biggest gripe with all of these infants is that if their respective celebrity is really such a burden, they can simply dump it.  They can donate their money to charity and move to Canada where no one cares about anyone.  Bam!  Problem solved.  The single mom who has to work two jobs and can’t afford to go back to school to better her situation because she needs to pay for daycare, yeah, she can’t just get rid of those problems.  So celebrities, stop asking us to walk a mile in your shoes to see how we like it because even if we didn’t, we would either appreciate that we couldn’t have everything or just lose the shoes and not bitch about it. 

Incorrect usage of “literally” –

Let’s say you have been waiting at a bus stop on a cold day.  If it is exceptionally cold the guy standing next to you might quip, “I am literally freezing.”  Of course, you know this isn’t true.  If he were literally freezing he wouldn’t be able to speak, and then casually return to his soduku.  What he meant was, “it’s very cold” or, “it’s so cold I feel almost like I’m freezing.”  Where he said “literally” what he meant was “figuratively”, or in other words, the exact opposite of “literally”.  Every once in a while this misuse of words for hyperbole-sake is acceptable, but recently people have been committing gramtical genocide with it.  Instead of using such qualifiers as “very”, “really”, and “so” to amplify moderators and accurately convey their thoughts, folks these days cram in “literally” all willy-nilly like.  If I want to say that someone is very beautiful or so beautiful, I don’t tell them they are literally beautiful. 

Though hilarious, you're setting a bad example Rob Lowe.

Inexplicable road construction blocking my way no matter where I’m going –

Where’s my hoverboard already, science? 
The blueprint is right there for you, science

No filter on the Facebook status feed

This is a double-edged sword or maybe a tripled-edged sword here because as much as I loathe facebook for creating this feature and facebook users for thinking anyone cares whether they, “have no motivation to do work today”, I hate myself for addictively scanning the feed every 20 seconds.  It’s like a crack addiction where the crack never runs out, and despite what you crackheads might believe, that’s not a good thing.  Important updates like, “I got in into grad school”, “I got engaged”, “I’m coming back to Indianapolis this weekend”, interesting articles; those are all appropriate statuses.  Here’s a general rule: anything that you would call more than five people to say can be a status update.  If you wouldn’t normally call your friends Jason, Zach, Billy, Kimberly, and Trini to say that you, “just got back from the gym and can’t wait to watch Modern Family”, then you shouldn’t make that your status!  Facebook needs to listen to me on this.

I offer this rant because, though pertinent, I don’t feel like writing about grad schools this week.  My status remains the same; accepted by Mizzou’s MA program, waitlisted by Minnesota’s MFA program.  I’m still researching both programs and getting some good stuff, yeah good stuff, but I’m taking off this week in terms of analysis—at least in blog form. 

So tune in next week boys and girls; same justdumbenough channel, same justdrumbenough station!

1 comment:

  1. 5.) When my friends are so lame they don't want to go to the strip club and force me to drive around in the back seat of a car yelling "Taco Bell!"