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Saturday, November 19, 2011

My Latest Rant


To my great shame, I missed posting last week—the first time since I began the blog in June.  To my dear, dear followers—all 10 of you—and to all others who follow this blog in secret, I’m sorry.  My bad.  My bad. 

But as I said, my time is tightly strained these days and my mind is not really oriented towards blogging; it’s oriented towards statements of purposes, finishing writing samples, online apps, and shuffling around schools’ admissions directory until I find the right person.  So in short, I’m all about the things that annoy me right now.  Here, in no particular order, are some more of them;

1.)   Khakis—every time I wear Khakis I feel like I’ve failed.  Wearing them is like wearing a tight, wrinkly white flag around all day.  12-year-olds wear Khakis when they are forced to.  Grown men, which I’m very similar to, should not have to wear them.  They’re the sign of someone who can’t really dress up—doesn’t have the cloths or the savvy—but wants to give it a half ass try, like the guys who “dress up” to go on Jerry Springer. I have to wear Khakis to work most days because I only own two real button-down shirts that go with slacks.  I’d much prefer just wearing jeans, but apparently those aren’t professional enough, although they are decidedly less sad.

FAIL.
2.)   Speeding Tickets—I think speed limits are a good thing and I’m not going to argue against them—it’s the speeding traps that I loathe.  We all know what’s going on here, I thought to myself as the cop who refused to look at my unbuttoned shirt, wrote me my ticket.  Worse yet is that if you want to pay the ticket in full and take the points assigned to your driver’s license, it’s a pretty easy procedure.  But try to keep some of their money and appeal and/ or accept driving school, then it’s a round-the-world adventure full of magical appointments and mystical forms that save you little money and add much wasted time and frustration to the whole ordeal.  In a month, I’ll have to burn 8 hours sitting in driver’s ed classroom with some interesting folks I’m sure, but at least I’ll get some good writing fodder.

3.)    Ashton Kutcher—What happened to this guy?  Remember Kelso?  Yeah man, Kelso.  That was a great show.  Now he’s selling cameras and doing his best to hide from Bruce Willis?  What happened to this guy?

4.)   Christmas songs on the radio… since November 1—Christmas creep they call it, but it really needs a name far less cute and more ominous.  Yuletide Armageddon?  Is Halloween, the candy cramming-est, Great Pumpkin waiting for-est, first real holiday of the season, really the only thing damming up the flash flood that Christmas has become?  I love Christmas, but the reason it’s special is because it only really exists in that magical realm between November 25 and December 25, or January 1, or January 7 if you’re down with the Three Kings Day.  Radio, you’re wasting my flava’!  Next thing you’ll be telling me is that all the kids would be buying Frankenberry cereal if it was sold year-round.  Hmm, touché, self…
You were my breakfast night light.

5.)   Captain Crunch is getting discontinued—Speaking of cereal, the Cap’n isn’t my favorite, but it just makes me feel good knowing it’s there—alright, all these things are really just minor annoyance compared to these grad school apps.  As soon as they’re done, I’ll gladly sit in driving school, wearing my Khakis, listening to Jingle Bell Rock (although by December that’ll be about right), sitting next to Ashton, not spoon-feeding him Captain Crunch.

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